Category: fantasy


It’s been awhile since I’ve done a review, hasn’t it? With any luck it won’t be another long skip before the next one. I’ve really enjoyed these books though, so it’s a little odd that I haven’t been talking about them super animatedly. In any case, this one’s thanks to the folks at Curiosity Quills Press. Here’s Richard Roberts’ Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Have a Nemesis. Enjoy!

Please Dont Tell My Parents I Have A Nemesis cover

After dealing with heroes and villains and upper level math it’s summer time for Penny Akk and the Inscrutable Machine. Well, maybe, she’s still got homework thanks to her parents finally giving in and showing her the super hero ropes. Too much of that and they’ll catch up before she can shed her Bad Penny persona and confess. Add to that an angry Jovian, a sniveling villain wanna be, and a ghost seeking a future and things get a little complicated. Penny has a lot of threads to tie up before she can go full hero but where there’s a will, and a body swapper, there’s a way.

The penultimate book in the Please Don’t Tell My Parents series is a pretty solid setup to the finally and generally does a good job of tying up loose ends. We get the return of previous characters and wrap up for their stories. Things that have been hinted at are coming to fruition. It works.

A lot of this comes from the fake Bad Penny plot line getting dealt with and the return of the Apparition. This one ties into Penny’s need for emotional growth and more attention to empathy. She wants to do the right thing, but can get really wrapped up in the things she wants to do or being given attention for her power. Our favorite tiny mechanic from beyond the asteroid belt, Remy, has followed Penny and company back to Earth to deal with their villainy once and for all. She can’t trust Penny due to their friendship being broken, but she also really wants to trust the friend she nearly had. The Apparition wants a full life again, to go back to being Polly Icarus and experience the world properly again. It’s a good moment seeing Penny try to step up for both of them even as she fumbles some to do so.

I do feel like Penny’s solution to her Bad Penny problem and all its odd complications are a reflection of the same sort of emotional immaturity that Remy’s issues with her come from. Just, deciding that literally fighting herself would be easier than telling them is such a fantastic young protagonist thing. She’s so nervous about how her parents would react and what they’d think that that is the easier solution. It drags a little in places, but it’s a fantastic character note. Bonus, when her robot double shows some of the same issues she does while also feeling like she’s the more good Penny.

Heart of Gold is really interesting to me because of how very not Penny she can be. She’s like this paladin of heroism, detached from human worries and conflicts, just this force driven to do good regardless of her own safety. More conflict between Penny and Heart of Gold could have been awesome, give time and space to build things up to their big fight. Let Heart of Gold’s conflict show more.

That’s sort of a thing with the series, conflict doesn’t tend to feel like it’s quite simmered long enough so things can feel like they’re coming out of nowhere. It’s usually in service to the plot, but it can feel like a mini in medias res moment. The other character knows where they’re coming from but neither Penny nor the audience has caught it. The flip side to this is that the reveal for the book is fantastically built up. It isn’t something I would have expected, but it worked and was well supported. I do feel like the mechanism for it is a little iffy though. Again, a sort of weak spot in service to a really good plot point.

I continue to enjoy this series and really want to see what comes next. There are bits I wish were a little more ironed out. Penny’s weirdness over Cassie’s crush on her is something I could do without. Little things mostly, things that are understandable from a character stand point but not something I’m here for. Nothing that would make me not want to keep reading. I really want to see some of the side characters expanded on, possibly getting their own series. The world seems big enough for it. Overall, Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Have a Nemesis does a good job gathering things together for the finally and tying away the bits that have reached their conclusion. It gets a four out of five.

Advertisements

I’ve mentioned something that I’m super excited about a few times in the past couple of weeks. This is that. See, there were a number of books this year that I really enjoyed and really want to share with you all. So, three readers are going to win one of three books that I’ve either reviewed this year or that come from a series I’ve reviewed this year.

Cool, right? Let’s make it even more fun, all three books are going to be signed by the author. So, what are the books I’ve decided excited me the most this year, the books I am so ready to share with all of you?

Well, there’s the first book in a series I talked about a bunch of times back during the Fall Into Books challenge. K. C. Alexander’s Necrotech. I still want to talk about these books anytime I’m given the chance and probably will.

Necrotech cover

And, as much as I enjoy a good cyberpunk story, let’s add a ghost story to this list. Let’s talk about a hitchhiker who’s been wondering America’s roadways since she was killed, the girl in the green silk gown. Sparrow Hill Road by Seanan McGuire, a book that left me hunting the sequel through a number of bookstores.

Sparrow Hill Road cover

Then let’s follow up the ghost story with a nice Saturday morning cosmic horror story. Those kids and their dog have been waiting an awfully long time to solve that last mystery, the one that split them up and left them broken. Edgar Cantero’s Meddling Kids. This is another one that I still want to talk more about, so look forward to that.

Meddling Kids cover

So, rules and whatnot. How can you get your hands on one of these awesome stories?

Sometime between now and when the giveaway closes at midnight central time on December 31st, you’ll need to follow this blog and then comment below.

As to what you should comment about, let’s make it thematic. The year is coming to a close, tell me about your favorite reads of the year. And, of course, which book you want or your order of preferences on which books you want.

You’ll also need to live in the continental US and be comfortable with sending me your mailing address after winners are announced. I’ll be using random.com to choose winners for the sake of fairness and that announcement is going to come January 1st by midnight.

Good luck!

I return! I’m pretty happy with this one, hopefully I’ll be just as happy with the next one. This one’s thanks to Curiosity Quills Press, here is Richard Roberts’ Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’ve Got Henchmen. Enjoy!

Please Dont Tell My Parents Ive Got Henchmen cover

Teen super villain Penny Akk has bested adult heroes and villains, been to Jupiter, and caused a super hero to start heroing just to stop her. She’s super successful at villainy. But it isn’t what she wants. When she takes up a classmate’s challenge in an attempt to solidify herself as a hero she fails but opens the doors for her classmates to reveal their own powers. Suddenly it seems that every super powered kid wants to join the club Penny and her friends started to cover for their Inscrutable Machine activities or fight her, sometimes both. With a ton of kids suddenly looking up to here, a wanna be rival sparking for a fight, and a relationship building it’s going to be an odd semester.

Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’ve Got Henchmen returns to the familiar world a super hero inhabited Earth and to the closer setting of the characters’ middle school. This works massively to the book’s advantage though as it gives a good basis for the characters to know each other and interact, putting the new characters on a solid footing right from the start. It also brings things back to the level of Penny worrying about her parents discovering her secret identity while trying to work out a way to ditch Bad Penny for good.

That’s a bit of a double sided thing here. It feels in a lot of ways like the Audit, Penny’s mom and retired hero, is either willfully deluding herself or not nearly as perceptive as she’s meant to be. But it’s still fun to see Penny interacting more with her parents again after not seeing them for most of the last book. Plus it sort of feeds into this family aspect that’s started off early on with the Inscrutable Machine being called on to help convince a retired villain to rejoin his family and be the father he wants to be.

A lot of things sort of echo down in this one and let the reader in on more of Penny figuring out who she wants to be. Her parents forbid super activity early on, leading to her also being unable to do things as Bad Penny, which slows things down a little. It also gives us this fun space for development though. We see Clair getting more into her cat burglar thing, following in her mother’s footsteps, and Ray is working out what he wants to do with himself and his powers.

There’s also this fantastic thing with the other super powered kids, they want what it seems like Penny has. They want to be able to practice with their powers and not to have to hide them. So, suddenly the club that our protagonists started to hide their super villainous exploits is full of all these kids who have seen what they’ve done and want to learn. That gives us room for all these scenes with these characters first seeing things like the Chinatown super villain weekends or even just meeting some of the various supers for the first time. It’s a nice reminder of how awestruck Clair and Ray were back in the first book as well as being a cool way to introduce some of these new characters’ personalities and abilities.

That said, there are a few weird characterization moments where it sort of feels like this one character wasn’t meant to be antagonistic but then part way through just sort of remembered that she really didn’t like Penny. It’s a little jarring. There was also this bit towards the beginning regarding super villains Rage and Ruin’s relationship that felt super awkward and unnecessary, it didn’t add anything or do much for the scene.

Those bits were really the only things that took away from my enjoyment of the book though. I really enjoyed the new characters and want to see more done with them in future books. And it left me excited to see what’s going to happen next. So, that earns Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’ve Got Henchmen with a four out of five.

Ok, last one of these then the actual game posts will start. I’m planning on doing the game posts from my character’s perspective, so I wanted to do a sort of intro post with who and what the characters were. Also because so far Fritz hasn’t really been a names kind of character, what she’s likely to refer to them as.

So, quick break down:

Alessandra – cat shifter/returning character – Alessandra

Noni – racoon shifter/art student/drug dealer/returning character – Onesie kid

Ben Ayat – Luna Ayat returned to a humanish form – Ben, possibly Bennie

Amaya Ayat – Ben’s daughter – n/a just yet

Sariss – Sith grey Jedi vampire/nerd – the vampire/Sariss

Marie – Lucifuge hunter, dangerous hunter, lawyer? – Scary

Everett – luck mage, constantly high, tattered lab coat and gas mask – Gasmask or some variation there of

Lena – spider shifter, returning as an NPC – Spiders

Raven – one of the BS, mage, returning NPC – Goth

There’s also the rest of the team Fritz belongs to, they get referred to by their names, but the party has not yet met the Specter Ejectors.

 

I cut the last one because I realized that this had gotten really, really long. It was fun to write though.

Birmingham Saga part two, The Factory is where we start getting a lot of cross over to the current campaign, largely since most of the players are the same and we even have some returning player characters. It takes place five to six years after part one and starts with the party joining resident part time bear Three Fingered Joe, and his right hand opossum/ghost wrangler Bailey, in his campaign of vengeance against the local logging company. It started out kind of not great, due to a lack of actual fighting ability we nearly lost Rowena the raven shifter and her partner in bad decisions and resident trash panda Noni in the very first session. Word to the wise, silver is a werecreature’s bane, but regular bullets can still hurt them. The party quickly discovered that, beyond the Factory we had varying degrees of things in common, with  chameleon shifter Glass trusting not a single one of the rest of the group and thus avoiding socializing with them.

Thanks to a combination of equivalent amount of spiders Lena Spinne having connections with the city’s very own Birmingham Supernaturalists and being a regular at the local occult shop the party wound up finding out about a cult attempting to revive some ancient spirit known as Luna Ayat to wipe the supernatural out of the city. They tracked the cult to its meeting place, gathered as much information as possible before destroying what they could and leaving. This didn’t slow the cult down much though so Bailey, the Spinne, Glass, and magic cat Alessandra returning to hopefully put an end to the threat. Unfortunately for them, arson was not the answer and the spirit escaped possessing the cult leader’s wife and taking the cult leader with it.

So began the string of disappearances that would spur our protagonists to try and fix what they broke. College students were going missing with reports of an oddly dressed stranger being seen around campus.

Chasing that lead with a tip from the Birmingham Supernaturalists gave us a fantastic chance to see Rowena nearly get eaten by a spirit when she flew off after a mysterious voice telling her it had found her teddy bear. Given that Lena was distracted trying to chase down an NPC and that Rowena had flown through a grate too small for any other party member to get through, the epic battle against Mama was waged with thrown stones to break the raven out of her hypnosis.

It was a dead end to say the least.

At least it seemed like it should be, until the odd stranger tore the doors off the old mines that Mama dwelt in and started gathering power seriously. Enough power, we were told by the local mages, to destroy the city. Enough power that the Guardians of the Veil themselves were willing to let us know what was going on, since we seemed willing to fight it. Also because it saves them the trouble.

So we go back to the mines with a mage, Max, in tow. He burns the mummy baddy really well, but having been forced back to spirit form Luna Ayat escapes. Leaving the party tired, injured, and more determined to fight him off than ever.

More disappearances as anyone venturing into the mines fails to return. The party investigated resulting in the acquisition of one terrifying starvation monster that had been eating said people and Mama agreeing to work with Lena if she makes sure that the monster is taken care of. Lost children like Hannah can get into so much trouble if they aren’t looked after.

Then came the issue of the wrong wolf. A terrifying beast that wiped out the Moss Rock werewolf pack, leaving only their newest member alive because he panicked and ran. The return of Jonas, him having tried to join the werewolves after the previous party split and having been violently kicked to the curb for being a mere shape shifter rather than a true child of the moon. The party sided with him instead of the kid.

Then came the Buffys, the sorority of vampire hunters finally arriving to deal with the disappearances from five years ago. Their house mother turns out to be the BS’s leader’s grandmother and, getting ready to have dinner with Mrs. Asimi, Bailey is drowned by her own seeing eye ghost both dying and being sober for the first time in a decade.

Some kid started following Allie, leading to the party finding yet more hunters in town and discovering their plans. Which lead to larceny as the investigation party again collected all the information they could before deciding to take as many of the hunters’ weapons as they could. Also large prints of a raven flopping around their living room in ash after Rowena flew in through the chimney. Also also, Rowena nearly dying when the party stopped watching her for five minutes and she decided to play with matches and sliver bullets at the same time.

The kid’s family didn’t make it past trying to hunt Jonas since the party warned him first and brought back up. Mages are terrifying, Sophie thinks you should know that.

Luna Ayat showed up again, offering to help the werewolf kid kill Jonas in exchange for Jonas’ corpse. The party plus max showed up to fight a mummy only to find several. All of them armed with homemade guns with silver ammo. Max nearly died and a mid air battle was fought for his body featuring Rowena nearly dying for the fourth time, Luna Ayat being confused at her just not dying, and Lena anchoring the pile of near corpse, corpse, and bird to the trees. Surprisingly, no one died until our backs were turned and Jonas got himself killed attacking the werekid.

Things kind of snowballed from there. One of the Birmingham Supernaturalists, Raven, had awakened as a mage at some point during the story and got taken. The mummies left at her apartment seemed like a good lead. Though Sophie had also disappeared, having taken a number of things from the Guardians base/occult shop/coffee house. The party set it up with the Buffys for Hannah to serve as a watch dog at the sorority house, as it would leave her taken care of, tracked down the caves beneath Vulcan where Luna Ayat was hiding, and prepared for their epic final confrontation.

Which ended with him surrendering after gun powder stuffed spiders being detonated destroyed his entire army. Both the party and Luna Ayat discovered that Sophie had been playing them against each other the whole time, just as she melted the Vulcan over them. Exploding spiders once again came into play as the near by museum was destroyed to smoke her out and Sophie was curbed stomped by the vast majority of the party.

All this with no permanent deaths, despite Rowena’s best attempts, and Raven being recovered and woken with true love’s spidery spidery kiss.

Well, at least until glass tried to take out the starvation monster in frustration after we let Luna Ayat go.

They tried, they really did. But Hannah didn’t like being stabbed.

I’m finally getting around to writing this out three weeks into the current game. So, not too too far behind, but more than I would like. I think I’ve mentioned before, but this is the third campaign we’ve got for the same World of Darkness setting so there is a fair amount of carry over. Though most of that is from the last campaign since the original one was sort of off on its own. This is sort of a situation where back ground is helpful though, so let’s dig in.

So, Birmingham Saga part one was an all Changing Breeds campaign, everyone was a shape shifter of some stripe. There was Jonas the truly massive wolf were, Blane and Felina the cat shifters, Margaret the crow, and I cannot remember the rabbit’s name.

They wound up doing some work for a goat headed wizard before becoming the targets of a small cell of hunters, selling the wizard out to a vampire so that he would stop disappearing sorority and fraternity kids, and letting said vampire mind wipe the last of the hunters and take his family’s heirloom sword to save our own hides.

It sort of ended there and the characters presumably went their separate ways.

 

 

Guest Post Hank Quense

Hey all, I’ve got a guest post for you today from Hank Quense, author of the Zaftan Troubles series of sci-fi/fantasy novels. Today, he’s provided us a totally non-fictional interview courtesy of Margaret Hammerhead and the Faux News Network. Enjoy!

Contact_2Book-2_Confusion

 

 

 

Faux News Network Interviews Author Hank Quense

 

My name is Marcia Hammerhead and I’m the literary reporter for FNN.  Once again, my boss insists that I interview a scribbler of fantasy and science fiction stories. My boss KNOWS that I prefer epic poetry and literary works and that I despise genre fiction.  But, here I am about to interview Hank Quense who has penned yet another novel despite the lack of success of his previous works and his apparent lack of talent.  Mr Quense, tell us what trash you are about to unleash on the unsuspecting reading public.

Hank Quense: Hi Martha. Thank you for the warm welcome.

MH: It’s Marcia, not Martha.

HQ: My new series, Zaftan Troubles, consists of seven ebooks and describes what happens when an alien explorer ship discovers Gundarland, a world populated by humans and fantasy creatures.  The zaftans are a vicious race who believe treachery and assassination are social skills.

MH: Good heavens!  You mixed science fiction and fantasy together?  Have you no shame?

HQ:  The two genres work well together.

MH: What’s the point of writing such a mishmash?  Are you indecisive to the point you can’t chose a single genre?

HQ: The point is entertainment and satire.  And the mixing of genres was a conscious decision, Margaret.

MH: Martha, not Margaret. Tell us about the characters?

HQ: In the first four books, the main characters are MacDrakin, a dwarf miner and Leslie Higginbottom, a constable.  The two have a budding relationship that is torn apart about the appearance of the aliens and their explorer robots.  The government orders Higginbottom to protect the robots while MacDrakin declares war against the robots and the aliens.

The next three books occur many years later when the Gundies (as they’re called) confront the zaftans in outer space.  The two main characters are Sam, an android with an organic brain and Klatze, a young zaftan naval officer who is determined to succeed using her ability rather than murder.

MH: What!  How can you write this nonsense?  Do you do drugs?  Booze? it is not possible to come up with this stuff without using some sort of stimulants.

HQ: Sorry, Marcia. I don’t do that stuff.  My stories come from unstimulated brain.

MH: This has to be some sort of anti-genius.  It should be declared illegal.  I suppose the novel uses the obsolete technique called plots?

HQ: It sure does.  The series has a number of plots and subplots.

MH: Did it ever occur to you to write stories about normal, human people, the kind of stories that comprise true literature.

HQ: Nope.  Sounds too boring.

MH: You said this series has seven ebooks in it.  I hope that’s the end of it.  I shudder to think that still another of your books will test our sanity.

HQ: Right now, Martha, Im working on books 8 through 10 for the Zaftan Troubles.

MH: It’s Marcia, not Martha. The very thought of you continuing this rubbish is giving me a headache.  I can’t stand any more of this genre trash.

HQ: Thanks for the great interview, Martha.  Good-bye.

MH: It’s Marcia.  Roll the wrap-up music.  I need a drink.  Where’s my bottle of merlot?

BooksNJ2015-cropped

Author bio: Hank Quense writes humorous and satiric scifi and fantasy stories. He also writes about fiction writing and self-publishing. He has published 18 books and 50 short stories along with a few dozen articles. He often lectures on fiction writing and publishing and has a series of guides covering the basics on each subject.
He and his wife, Pat, usually vacation in another galaxy or parallel universe. They also time travel occasionally when Hank is searching for new story ideas. To learn more, visit http://strangeworldspublishing.com/wp/.
Hank recently published Books 1 and 2 of his 7-part satirical fantasy series, the Zaftan Troubles, about an advanced alien species who steal resources from other worlds for profit. They’re available on Amazon:
Book 1: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F8352QC/  and https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07F883MW9  and the rest of the series is scheduled to publish later this year.
You can see the video trailer here: https://youtu.be/NHMJ_XRzrtI

Fall Into Books 9/15

FIB-debut-author

So, this is one I kind of have to cheat on. There isn’t really a favorite book by a debut author I can think of just now, but I do have a debut novel that I’m really excited to read. It’s the relaunch of a series I grew up with so, even though I would usually avoid talking about stuff related to the original author due to her stance on fan fiction, I am super excited for this one and really want to see what her daughter is going to do with the books here and going forward.

Dragons Code

Check it out! New Dragon Riders of Pern novel coming out next month. This is the book that middle school me would have would have 404ed at the idea of getting to read early. Adult me is also more than ready to dig in.

This came out later than planned. This one’s thanks to the awesome folks at Curiosity Quills Press. Here’s Richard Roberts’ Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Blew Up The Moon. Enjoy!

Please Dont Tell My Parents I Blew Up the Moon cover

Bad Penny and the rest of the Implacable Machine are bored out of their minds. Going back to school after a break full of super villainy and fighting heroes both their own age and grown up will do that. So of course they jump at the chance to visit Jupiter and see things no human has before. No human except the ones who already live there. With a homemade space ship and the help of a giant spider the Implacable Machine will see everything from alien invaders to robot overlords and the colonies trapped between them. With any luck, they’ll be able to help the rebels and their new friend get their homes back and be on their way towards heroism.

Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Blew Up The Moon follows Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’m a Super Villain pretty directly with the Implacable Machine trying to settle back into day to day school lives. It’s got a really strong start there, giving the reader a taste of how dull things are after Penny and company have gone toe to toe with some of the best of the best but then have to go back to being just kids. It gives the reader one of a number of good reasons why the team is so ready to take up Spider’s offer to see what lies beyond the asteroid belt first hand. But it also pulls back a little to anchor things back in the reality of the setting, which is good because the book goes way out there.

This one feels a lot slower than the previous book, largely due to the necessity of doing all the world building for the Puppeteers and the Jupiter colonies and, and, and. This is unfortunate because it slows the book down just enough that it makes it easy to put down. There are all these places being introduced and their rules and culture and it leads to things feeling a little flat. The Puppeteers are scary aliens that can take over people and force them to do whatever. One of the colonies is very steam punk flavored and people are constantly being told what to do by the automatons that functionally rule the place. It feels sketched out but not quite filled in.

There’s a similar problem with some of the characterization. The new friend character bounces between being totally cool with Penny’s powers and how they work and then freaked out about it and jealous over how her brothers and everyone else react to Penny’s power. It’s like a switch flips when Roberts felt the situation demanded it. It doesn’t tend to feel like it fits, like there should have been more build for it and more awareness on Penny’s part. The final boss of the novel has a similar issue, though I can’t really go into that without spoilers.

There are parts that are a ton of fun, especially early on before they reach the Jupiter colonies. The whole bit surrounding the Red Herring being built is a lot of fun. Plus the little bits of Penny and company in class and their classmates’ reactions to Penny’s power manifesting make for a couple of nice notes that what she’s got going on is out of the ordinary. I’m also interested in seeing how the workings of her power continue to develop, given the way Mourning Dove reacts to it and how much it seems to be capable of when given free reign. I’m really excited to see more of all that as the series continues.

As and over all thing, I enjoyed Please Don’t Tell My Parents I’m a Super Villain more than Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Blew Up The Moon. While both needed world building it flowed much better for me in the first book, likely due to being set in our world but with supers.  I would have liked to see more put into the new characters introduced, but I feel like at least a couple of them are going to show up again later, so it seems pretty reasonable that they would get more development then. Please Don’t Tell My Parents I Blew Up The Moon is nowhere near a bad book though and I am very much looking forward to reading the next one, so it gets a three out of five.

Hey all, I’ve got something awesome for you today thanks to Patrick Canning. This is the first chapter of his novel Cryptofauna. I’ve got most of the chapter under a cut for space, but this one is a lot of fun, so enjoy!

Cryptofauna cover

1

St. Militrude’s

Jim grabbed a can of root beer for his suicide. He wasn’t particularly big on sassafras or licorice, but drink choices were limited. The tap water at St. Militrude’s Home for the Insane and Elderly was notorious for its eggy flavor. Mellow Yellow was tasty, but the potassium citrate was known to have undesirable drug interactions. Coke was the obvious front runner, except one of the residents had recently thrown every last can of it off the roof in protest of an earlier bed time.

 The conciliatory can of root beer jostled with the rest of the supplies on Jim’s janitorial cart as he pushed it down St. Mili’s labyrinth of hallways, mercifully quiet during the small hours. A jacket was the next item on the grisly scavenger hunt, because nobody wanted to die cold.

Perhaps surprising to some, a bleak occupation in a bleak setting wasn’t the catalyst behind Jim’s decision to end his life. He wasn’t bitter or depressed; he wasn’t heartbroken or mad at the government. Jim had simply made the classic mistake of thinking about it all too much. He’d always been of the suspicion that if one gave it too much thought, it being the why of it all, those thoughts would inevitably lead to suicide, or at least an absence of reasons not to do it. He’d gone in search of meaning and come up short, and this was pro-level stuff he was contemplating. The defeated janitor would’ve done well to stick to simpler, less fatal issues like why the bee makes honey or why yellow traffic lights were curiously but definitely getting shorter.

Jim trudged into the depths of the coatroom, battling a standoffish daddy long legs for nearly a minute before emerging with his white winter parka. He laid the poofy-bag-ofmarshmallows jacket atop the root beer, and pushed his cart to the last stop: the pharmacy.

Because of his plentiful experience with cleaning up other people’s messes and an affinity for his boss, Nurse Gail, Jim had elected to go by pill overdose. It was clean, quiet, and showed respect for the party that was to discover the body.

With an extensive roster of patients in desperate need of daily medication, St. Mili’s pharmacy was a Mecca of dozens of drugs that, when taken in excess, resulted in reliable death. Jim unlocked the mother of all medicine cabinets, perused its dizzying supply of amber bottles, and plucked the relatively obscure and verbally intimidating dikatharide olanzapine. Conventionally used to combat the dreaded tag team of paranoia and psychosis, the drug didn’t cause nausea (again, he really wanted this to be an easy clean up) and with its high levels of liver-busting haloperidol, a successful overdose was all but guaranteed.

Jim parked the supply cart in front of his bedroom door, sandwiched between the king-of ambient-noise boiler room and a storage closet that no one used because a) the door was jammed, and b) it smelled like a wet dog chewing black licorice.

Inside his bedroom at last, Jim locked the door and set the lamp on dim, considering. He sat cross-legged in the center bouquet of his flower-patterned rug, donned his marshmallow jacket, and opened his forced compromise can of root beer. The angry sound of freed carbonation joined a faint rendition of “O Canada” from a dementia-plagued geriatric on the floor above.

Making what he assumed would be his last choice, Jim decided to put liquid in before pills as opposed to the other way around (a traditionally benign but of course hotly-debated topic among the unpredictably opinionated residents of St. Mili’s). He sipped some root beer, and lifted the pills to their manufacturer-unapproved destiny. It was at this moment, in a statistically improbable stroke of luck, that the knob of Jim’s locked door quivered.
Continue reading